Already Equipped
Around the time I first wrestled with God whispering to me to write, I made a choice to read through my Bible in a year from cover-to-cover. Totally unrelated to me thinking about writing a book. It was simply me wanting to know God better. Now when I read my Bible, I tend to add notes in the margins or underline key pieces of information. Before you cringe, I still refuse to dog-ear a page. I used to be a complete book purist even refusing to crease the spine until I realized that I gain the most from my time in the Word when I take these notes.
In my cover-to-cover journey, I got to work writing certain things down and underlining others with each a’ha moment or deeper question. When I finished reading that last page in revelation, I went back to my “normal” bible studies and didn’t give this journey another thought. That was until God placed the topic of this book in my mind. In my internal struggle with God telling me to write, I heard Him tell me that Fear was holding me back. I knew that I needed to break free from Fear by writing a book about how you can break free from Fear.
Totally unqualified as I still struggled with Fear, I panicked. How am I supposed to write about a freedom that I hadn’t stepped into yet? I mean, writing a book in general tends to paint a bullseye on you. A perfect target for naysayers and attacks from the enemy. An opportunity for people to poke my insecurities served up on a silver platter. And God told me to voluntarily sign up. I certainly didn’t hear God correctly. Maybe I had a little extra ear wax in the way or something. And then the enemy latched on. Fear used this doubt.
Doubt—Did I actually hear God?
Doubt—Can He really do all that He said He would or could in the Bible? That clearly was meant for the Davids and Daniels of the world.
Doubt—Would God still love me if I tried and messed it all up?
The enemy of our souls thrives on doubt. If he can cause us to doubt, we will willingly race back to the comfort of our fear cells. Some of us may even close the door behind us and lock it from the inside. A prisoner by choice. Fear twists and distorts. Fear keeps us “safe”. Fear keeps us “safe” from living a life of abundance and fulfillment. Fear keeps us “safe” from seeing others healed and set free. Fear keeps us “safe” from seeing God’s handiwork in our own lives. Fear wants us to think we’re safe when actually Fear is holding us back.
Just like I want you to taste and see the goodness of the land God promised you—the future of abundance, I tasted and saw that God was faithful. In that cover-to-cover reading journey, I took notes. Words squished into the tiny margins of my study Bible revealed God’s truth. Next to one verse, I read the words I wrote years before. In those words, I realized that God had already equipped me with all I needed to write this book. He had already answered all my doubts with words of faith.
My entire life, everyone else told me what to value. My family. My friends. My coworkers. The things I valued often contradicted what they did so my values must be wrong, and therefore, I needed to adapt my values. I blindly followed their advice, never really thinking about those things for myself. Most of the advice I received centered itself on Fear. I needed a financially secure job in case the job market crumbled, which hello, year 2020. I needed to contribute financially to my family and remain independent in case my husband left me. I needed to find a surrogate to carry the child my body couldn’t in case adoption fell through or fertility treatments didn’t work. None of this advice centered itself on faith.
The verse that I underlined and wrote beside in my Bible that gave me a taste of God was Proverbs 31:30. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” I’ve read this verse so many times, and yet, in my cover-to-cover reading I apparently had an epiphany that was so good, I didn’t remember it until I reread. It was like I was writing to my future self knowing that one day I would need those words. I wrote:
Things this world tells you to value are meant to derail your walk with God.
The world. The enemy. Fear. They all tell us the same lie. It’s all on us. We must do “the things” in order to preserve ourselves. When I thought God wasn’t working in me. When I thought that I had no business or background to write a book especially on fear, God took me on a cover-to-cover reading journey. Fear wanted me to believe that God planted a seed and then abandoned me, but all the while, God worked in me and revealed bits of truth to me. Truth that He revealed in His perfect time like He always does.
When we believe that God isn’t working on our behalf, we couldn't be farther from the truth. The enemy will always utilize Fear. He will always craft these elaborate illusions to distract us and derail our pursuit of our calling. When we accept Jesus, the enemy can no longer defeat us so he settles for distracting us. God is at work. Believing otherwise is the glue holding the bricks of our fear cell together. It keeps us insecure thinking that God isn’t moving on our behalf to accomplish the things He’s called us to.
There was a movie that came out based on a fictional book. The movie shows the life of a young mother and her son. She’d been held captive for years and gave birth to her son while being hidden away. She realized that she couldn’t live complacent in this life anymore and had to find a way to break free. Knowing the consequences if she were caught no longer outweighed the life that waited outside this locked room. But her son never experienced life outside this room. For him, it was safe and warm. He didn’t want to leave. How could the outside world be better than this room? The grass was greener because she had seen it
We can be like the son. We’ve gotten so comfy in our fear cells that we don’t want to leave. Unless we know what’s waiting for us outside is better than what’s inside, why would we even want to? My hope is to give you a taste of what God has in store for you—of your life outside your fear cell.
‘Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!’
Psalms 34:8
